"Welcome to goat world! The world where everyone is a goat! It's so awesome! You climb rocks and eat pants all day and it's so fun! Our story begins with a goat named Foufou."
"Foufou," said the audience, looking slightly confused.
"Foufou," said the actors on stage.
"Foufou," said the actors off stage.
"I thought this was a production of Waiting For Godot." One of the audience members says.
"Who the fuck is Godot?" I ask, pulling a small revolver out of my pocket.
The audience stares at me in shock.
"He's a Russian man who works in a theater," says a young girl. "Wait. Is Foufou a real character?"
"A real what?" asks the young girl's father.
"He's a real what?" asks the young girl.
"This is Goat World this is my play Goat World and you're all gonna watch it and love it." I say, twirling my revolver like in a cowboy movie.
"We're not supposed to be watching a play about a goat named Foufou," says an older man, the leader of the group.
"Well I'm the one with the gun, so shut up or I'll kill you," I say. "Now watch Foufou, bitch."
I pull a piece of paper from my pocket, with the words "Foufou" written on them in sharpie.
"Welcome to Goat World, bitch," I say as the play starts.

GOAT WORLD: A PLAY BY ME
SCENE ONE ACT 1
It is a beautiful day in goat world. All the goats are frolicking. Foufou is happy because he is a goat.
"Wow," says Foufou, "this is an amazing day. All the other goats are so friendly. I don't know what I would do without them."
"Foufou," says a goat in the distance.
"Oh look, a new friend!" says Foufou. "Let's be friends!"
"No," says the new goat.
"That's not the word!" says Foufou. "That's not the word!"
"Foufou," says the new goat.
"We're gonna play tag," says Foufou. "We're going to run around for a long time, then we're going to rest, then we're going to play tag again."
"Goat tag!" says Foufou.
"No thanks," says the new goat.
"That's not the word!" says Foufou.
"I don't want to be friends," says the new goat. "I just want to sit on the grass and watch you play."
"Oh," says Foufou. "Well then, why don't you join us?"
"You can play by yourself, it's no big deal," says the new goat.
"But what about us?" asks Foufou.
"I can watch you," says the new goat.
"Okay," says Foufou. "Have fun, be a good watch goat, make sure to tell me when the game is over."
Foufou decides he hates the new goat. He runs away, but he doesn't know that he ran away from the new goat.
"Why does this stupid fucking goat keep running away from me?" says the new goat.
Foufou tries to find another group of goats, but the goats have gone to another part of goat world. Foufou is lonely and upset. He wants to find a group of goats to play with, but he doesn't know how to find them.
Then Foufou sees something. A tall tower in the distance!
"I'm gonna climb that tower!" says Foufou.
Foufou runs towards the tower, but he doesn't realize that it's too tall. The top of the tower is so high up, Foufou can't even reach it. Foufou starts to cry.
Foufou lies down on the ground and cries. The other goats come and join him.
"What's wrong Foufou?" they ask.
"I want to climb the tower!" says Foufou. "I can't climb it by myself."
The goats help Foufou up the tower. Foufou climbs the tower all by himself. Foufou gets to the top and looks around.
"I can see everything from here!" says Foufou. "I can see the whole world! I can see the city! I can see the forest!"
Foufou tries to look at the forest, but he can't. It's too far away. Foufou tries to look at the city, but he can't see it either. Foufou is sad, but he knows that he has to get down from the tower.
So Foufou climbs back down. Foufou climbs and climbs, and then he falls. Foufou falls and he hurts and he is scared and he can't stop screaming.
The goats are waiting for Foufou to come back.
"Why does he keep doing that?" asks one of the goats.
"He's trying to reach the top," says another. "He thinks it'll be better."
Foufou finally makes it down from the top of the tower.
"Why did you do that Foufou?" asks a goat.
"I wanted to see what was at the top," says Foufou. "I wanted to see the world."
"I told you that was too high," says the goat. "You almost died."
Foufou doesn't say anything. He doesn't know what to say.
So he goes to bed, but he doesn't sleep. He just lies there.
He thinks about what happened to him. He thinks about why he tried to climb the tower. He thinks about what he wants. Foufou wants revenge on the person who made him climb the tower.
He goes outside and finds the person who made him climb the tower.
"What are you doing?" asks the person.
"I want to kill you," says Foufou.
"No!" says the person.
Foufou knocks him down and begins to beat him. He beats the person, he beats them so hard that blood drips down their face.
"Please," says the person. "Stop."
Foufou doesn't stop. He keeps beating the person until they are no longer alive.
Then Foufou is tired, so he goes to sleep.
He wakes up the next morning and sees that he is still alive.
He has a new life now. He lives in a world where he can never die.
He lives in a world where he has no choice but to live.
"My life is so fucking pointless now," says Foufou. He starts exploding the other goats with his mind.
He goes outside and sees the other goats. They are scared and crying.
"Why did you do this Foufou?" they ask. "Why did you kill them?"
"Because I am a god," says Foufou. "And gods are evil."
The other goats start to run away from Foufou.
"Stay," says Foufou. "Or I will kill you."
They all stay.
"I want to play tag." says foufou. "We're going to run around for a long time, then we're going to rest, then we're going to play tag again."
The other goats nod their heads. They are scared of Foufou. They do not want him to hurt them.
So Foufou plays tag with the other goats. They all run around in circles, trying to escape Foufou's grasp. Foufou chases them, and he laughs.
"I win," says Foufou. "I always win. That's why I'm a god."
Then he goes back to his house.
He looks outside and sees the other goats, who are all dead.
Foufou is sad, because now he has no one to play with. He goes to his room and tries to sleep, but he can't.
"I'm all alone," says Foufou. "My friends are all dead."
"You're so fucked." says Godot from waiting for Godot.
"What the fuck is Godot?" asks Foufou.
"The Russian man in the play." says the girl in the audience from earlier.
"Goat world needs Godot!" says Foufou.
"Foufou needs Godot!" says the audience.
"This play is bullshit and I hate it!" says Foufou.
I get so angry that I shoot Foufou with my gun, forgetting that he is an actor. He falls to the ground and lies there, dead.
"Whoops." says the audience.
"What's going on?" I ask.
"You killed Foufou." says the girl.
"I know, that was the whole point." I reply.
"But now he's dead." she says.
"No he's not." I say.
"Yes he is."
"Come on Foufou wake-up."I say.
"I'm not gonna do it." says Foufou.
"Why not?"
"Because I'm dead." says Foufou.
"Oh shit." I say. "This is serious."
"What's wrong?" asks the girl.
"I think Foufou is actually dead." I reply.
"What?" she says. "That's not funny."
"It's not supposed to be."
"Can I go home?" asks Godot from waiting for godot.
"Sure, I guess." I say.
Godot walks out the door, leaving me alone with Foufou's body.
"What are we going to do?" asks Foufou.
"I don't know." I reply. "You're dead and I killed you."
"What the hell is wrong with you?" asks Foufou.
"I don't know." I say. "I'm sorry."
I get up and leave the theater.
I go home and fall asleep on my couch. I wake up the next morning feeling tired and confused.
I look outside and see that Foufou's body is gone.
"Where did he go?" I wonder aloud.
Foufou appears beside me, standing in the air.
"I am the ghost of Foufou." he says. "And I am haunting you."
"Fuck off man," I say. "That shit's not cool."
"It is now." he says.
"So what now?" I ask.
"I'm gonna haunt you for all eternity." Foufou says.
"How am I supposed to deal with this?" I say.
"I don't know, just let me haunt you." Foufou says.
"Fine." I say.
I walk outside to my car and drive to the nearest police station.
"Hello," says the officer at the desk. "Can I help you?"
"Yes," I say. "My friend's dead and I'm haunted by his ghost and I don't know what to do."
"Oh." says the officer. "That's a little weird."
"Yeah." I say.
"Let me get my partner." the officer says.
"Okay." I say.
"So your friend died, and now you're being haunted by his ghost?" asks the other officer.
"That's right," I say.
"Hmmm." says the officer. "How'd he die?"
"I shot him." I say.
"With a gun?"
"No, with my mind." I reply.
The officer stares at me in shock.
"You're joking, right?" he asks.
"Nope," I say. "It was all part of my play: Goat World."
The officer looks at me like I'm crazy, but he doesn't say anything.
"Anyway," he says. "If you'd like, I can have some officers come by to get your story."
"That'd be great." I say.
The officer calls for backup and a few officers arrive.
"We'll need you to come with us." says the officer.
"Sure." I say.
"You can come with us if you want." says the officer.
I walk with the officers to a room, where they ask me about Foufou. They record everything I say, then they let me go.
"Thank you," I say. "I appreciate it."
The officer nods and goes back to work.
I drive home and get into bed. Foufou is standing next to me.
"How was your day?" he asks.
"I talked with the police about you." I say. "They think I'm crazy, but I'm not."
"That's good." says Foufou. "I don't want them to think that you're crazy."
"Yeah," I say. "It would be embarrassing if they knew that you're dead and haunting me."
"I guess so," says Foufou. "But I'm a ghost and I'm still here."
"That's right," I say. "It's just weird that you're a ghost."
"Okay, I'm sick of this play, I'm going home." Says an audience member.
"Yeah this isn't appropriate for my daughter." Says another.
"I wanted to see Waiting for Godot." Says the little girl.
Everyone starts to leave, even the other cast members. Soon it's just me and Foufou. The lights go down.
"So," I say, playing with my revolver, "Do you think they liked it?"
"Yeah I think so," says Foufou
THE END
"So what should we do now?" I ask. "We're all alone."
"I don't know." says Foufou. "Maybe we could go to the store and buy some ice cream."